So Long, Old Friend

by Ricky Fitzpatrick for The Creative South

Before we say goodbye, we should probably say its name correctly.

It’s The Farmers’ Almanac, with the apostrophe after the s. Not The Farmer’s Almanac, as though it belonged to a single fellow who kept it on the dash of his pickup. 

And not The Old Farmer’s Almanac, either, which, by grammatical law, belongs to one lone, old and mysterious farmer. No disrespect… that one’s never been an outcast exactly, but it’s also never quite been regarded as…

Happy New Year, Y’all

The South has always taken New Year’s a little seriously… and a little sideways.

Back before the Peach ever dropped in Atlanta, before everything had a sponsor and a drone shot, New Year’s meant piling into a car and crossing the Georgia–South Carolina line like a crew of backroad outlaws. Fireworks were illegal at home, but freedom was only a few miles away.

The Dukes of Hazzard in an ‘83 Toyota Corolla. We’d make that run feeling like moonshiners, headlights low, hearts racing, certain…

The Things We Leave Behind

By Ricky Fitzpatrick for The Creative South

My kids gave me a copy of the new Farmer’s Almanac for Christmas. And in it was an article about the growing concern over Space Junk. That’s the thousands (maybe millions) of pieces of manmade debris, floating around the earth, up in space.

After reading it, I’m convinced, absolutely convinced… that the problem of space junk started with a Southerner.

Not maliciously. Not recklessly. Just, instinctively.

Some early Southern astronaut,…

A Eulogy for the American Penny

A Eulogy for the American Penny

By Ricky Fitzpatrick for The Creative South

Well, it finally happened.

After 235 years of loyal service, the American penny, the humble copper(ish) coin that bought our childhood bubble gum, and kept our grandmamas’ Mason jars filled with purpose, is being escorted out of circulation like an elderly uncle who’s said one comment too many at Thanksgiving.

I can’t say I’m surprised, though. We all knew the day was coming.

It costs more than a penny to…

AI in the South

AI In the South

by Ricky Fitzpatrick for The Creative South

Artificial Intelligence has taken the world by storm.

Every industry.
Every city.
Every workplace.
Every teenager with a cracked iPhone screen and unlimited Wi-Fi.

But here in the South? We’re still squinting at it like it might try to take our biscuit.

It’s not that we’re anti-technology. Southerners were early adopters of a great many scientific breakthroughs: air conditioning, riding mowers, and drive-thru windows come to mind. 

It's just…

Cornbread Confessions

By Ricky Fitzpatrick for The Creative South

I like cornbread. In fact, I love cornbread.

I may not always say it out loud, but I love it in a way that feels both emotional and slightly spiritual, like something that ought to be discussed in a testimony service.

And I’m not even particular about it.

It can be sweet or salty.
Skillet-thick or paper-thin.
Cut into wedges or fried into hush puppies.
Homemade or straight from a Jiffy box that’s been in the pantry since the Clinton administration.

If…

The South and Electric Cars

By Ricky Fitzpatrick for The Creative South

The South and electric cars have a relationship best described as “polite but cautious,” like two people at a church dinner, eyeing each other across the deviled eggs. They’re not opposed to each other, exactly. They’re just… taking their time.

Whenever someone in town gets a new electric vehicle, people gather around it the way they used to gather around a baby calf born with unusual markings.

Lots of staring.
Lots of nodding.
A few quiet,…

The Buggy Battle 

The Buggy Battle

By Ricky Fitzpatrick for The Creative South

There are many problems facing modern society: global conflict, inflation, artificial intelligence, the price of eggs. But none, in my opinion, is more pressing than the ongoing collapse of shopping cart integrity.

We’re living in a time of tremendous technological advancement. Cars can drive themselves. Computers can recognize our faces. I can generate 279 unique fart sounds with my phone.

And yet… not one major retailer in America…

What Happened to Ricky Fitzpatrick?

By Ricky Fitzpatrick for The Creative South

The other day, I made the mistake of Googling myself. This is always risky, because you never know if you’re going to find a nice article about something you wrote…or in this case, discover that you’ve died.

But right there it was, on the screen, bold as brass…an obituary for Ricky Fitzpatrick.

No warning. No “click here to confirm.” Just: Ricky Fitzpatrick, dead.

I sat there blinking, thinking to myself, “Well…that seems like…

Backing In

By Ricky Fitzpatrick for The Creative South

Somewhere along the way…quietly, without a public vote or a town hall meeting…the South adopted a bizarre new trend: backing into parking spaces.

Nobody knows where it came from. Nobody recalls agreeing to it. Yet suddenly half the trucks at the Piggly Wiggly are pointed out like they’re preparing for a tactical response mission.

And I have questions.

I grew up in a South where parking meant one thing: you pulled in front-ways and hoped you didn’t hit the…